Everything here is just like a simile, and almost completely alliterative.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Deathly Hallows: kid appropriate?

I had been hearing a lot about whether Deathly Hallows Part One was appropriate for kids or not, and wasn't sure what to think. Since I may be the world's laziest parent, and also just genetically disposed to a) dislike censorship and b) think kids are waaaay more mature than you have any idea they are, I tend to blow right past discussions like that, which are intensely boring anyway. Actually, I feel that way about most of parenthood. Kids themselves are never boring -- they are endlessly changeable, strange, mercurial, unpredictable, weird little things. It's just conversations about them that put me in a coma, and especially the people who have the conversations. But for those who are interested, my two cents below.

A kid under 10 is unlikely to be able to handle this flick. My 10 year old is on the squeamish side, and several times asked me to cover his eyes. After like the third time, I told him to do it himself, and used the opportunity to steal his slushie. Mmmm, blue raspberry. I did not take my 6 year old, because Strawberry Shortcake: the Journey to Peppermint-town gave her nightmares for weeks. Also, she has a bladder the size of a pine nut, and I wasn't about to spend half this movie in some skanky movie bathroom -- not least because the youngest Fabulette believes that public restrooms are a kind of spa, and avails herself of all their amenities, as many times as possible. She sniffs the soap and assesses its quality, rolls her sleeves up and lathers herself to the elbows, then scrubs her T-zone, her neck, and any other available skin. That's even before we get to hair arrangement and paper towel usage. Probably because the spa experience is intensely relaxing, her bowels never move as freely as when in a public restroom, which of course then requires her to start all over again with the lathering and cleansing routine. She also narrates every gastro-intestinal event through the stall door in excruciating detail, to the prostrate embarrassment of her preteen sister, who stands outside the restroom going oh my God oh my God I do not believe this I am not going in there why can't we go home oh my God I just want to die.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the movie. Yeah, too intense for younger fans, which is a shame. Though I'm not complaining; I already feel like they pulled some punches to make it as kid-friendly as possible, right down to making sure Dobby had no actual knife in his chest for the frontal shot, and the torture at Malfoy Manor wasn't TOO scary. No matter, I can forgive anything for the Three Brothers animation sequence.

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